Long Lost Family's response to my open letter
Last year when Long Lost Family was back on our screens, I wrote a rather cross open letter to the LLF team. Having recently come out of the fog and working with adoptees both in London and online, I felt the show wasn’t a realistic portrayal of adoption reunion. I also said that in the episodes I watched the adoptee often appeared alone with no family or friends, and the adoptee always called the birth parent ‘mum’ or ‘dad’ upon meeting. I added that I was concerned about what support was given to adoptees who appeared in the programme.
Here is an excerpt from my open letter to Long Lost Family:
“While I was still in the adoption fog, I watched you avidly. I delighted in the resemblances between the reunited relatives and looked forward to a good cry at the emotional climax of the programme (…) Now, with two adoption reunions under my belt, and being firmly out of the fog, I can no longer watch you. I’m sorry (…) While non-adopted people delight in the drama, you are a source of frustration and bewilderment for me and many adoptees I know. “
This year, when the new series came out, my open letter caught the attention of the LLF team and I received this reply. I’d love to know whether you watch Long Lost Family or What Happened Next and and what you think of this detailed and thoughtful reply from the executive producer.
Dear Claire,
I am writing to you in response to your letter to Long Lost Family, which has been brought to my attention by Nicky Campbell. We are aware that the stories that we include cannot reflect every adoption and separation experience. I am sorry that this means you choose not to watch the programme.
We acknowledge that the series represents the stories of only a few of the 4,000 applications we receive each year from people searching for their families. This is a fact which we do acknowledge in the opening commentary of the programme.
The reality is that some searches are impossible for us to solve; some birth relatives do not want contact in any circumstances; and some do want contact but without LLF cameras being present. All of these variables we understand and must take into account. However, this means that the stories which can be told do tend to be those with positive outcomes. In our follow-up series, 'What Happened Next', we have deliberately chosen to include stories in which the relationships did not work out, or which show the enormous complexity of building a relationship after a lifetime apart.
'LLF' and 'What Happened Next' should be seen in tandem. They are watched by the same audience and demographic.
To answer some of your specific complaints:
• We do try to include family members whose lives have been impacted by adoption, from the adoptee to their spouses and children, sometimes even their adoptive parents. These decisions are predicated on the wishes of the people involved.
• We have included examples of adoptees talking to their adopting parents about the impact that the search process has had on them. For example, we have shown an adopting mother expressing concerns. In another instance, an adopting mother chose to meet the birth parent of her daughter. They chose for their meeting to be filmed.
• We do not dictate the names that adoptees choose to call their birth parents. This is certainly not something that is scripted or requested; all of the contributors use whatever terminology they are most comfortable with, be that Christian names or formal/informal titles. There may be deep rooted explanations for why some adopted people choose to use the terms "Mum" and "Dad"; it is their choice.
• Most importantly, both the searcher and the found person are offered intermediary support by a qualified ASA, qualified social workers, and counsellors or psychologists if needed.
The countless complexities and sensitivities of individual searches are difficult to reflect. No single story can ever be a universal truth.
However, we feel that in creating a documentary series that reaches 5 million viewers, we have helped to shift public opinion by removing the stigma and shame that has for many years surrounded those separated from the family of origin. The programme has inspired many people to search for the answers to their own family mysteries. It is a known fact that fostering and adoption teams deal with many more enquiries in the period after these documentaries have been aired.
While some of those people searching will find further difficulties and complexes as a result of their search, statistically, many are happy that they searched even if it is only to have answers to their questions.
Finally, the Long Lost Family search and social work team have provided answers for, and reunited, more than a 1,000 searchers over the past 10 years; of whom less than 20% are filmed. The remaining 80% are given the exact same duty of care search experience and support as the 20% who are filmed. This is something of which the entire team at LLF are justifiably proud.
Thank you very much for your letter and for raising your concerns with us. I do hope we have been able to answer the points that you have raised about the search process and the duty of care that lies behind the programme.
The Executive Producer at Long Lost Family
Photo by Erika Giraud on Unsplash
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I’d like to thank the producer for this thoughtful and detailed reply and for giving permission for it to be published in entirety. It is still my hope that within my lifetime we see the full adoptee experience realistically portrayed in the mainstream media.
I’d love to know what you think of Long Lost Family, so let me know in the comments below or find me on social media (links below).
Here are my other blogs on adoption reunion:
And my most popular blog post: Why Are You So Angry?