How To Be Adopted provides spaces for adopted people to connect in person and online.
We were the first UK resource for adoptees by adoptees. We began in 2017.
To find out more:
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How To Be Adopted meet-up in London
““It was life changing to be with people who totally understand how I as an adoptee see the world and how my head works!””
We’d appreciate a donation to help cover the costs of keeping the website going which are around £300/year.
Meet the How To Be Adopted team
Claire, founder of How To Be Adopted
Hi I’m Claire. I am a UK domestic adoptee in reunion-ish. I started this adoptee blog anonymously in 2017 after finding no resources for adopted people online or in real life.
My aim is to connect adoptees from the UK and around the world to share our stories and tips on coping as an adopted person in a non-adopted world! I also want to give adoptees more of a voice and challenge the dominant social narrative around adoption.
Recommended: Listen to Claire’s interview on AdopteesOn.
And check out Claire’s most popular blog posts:
Gilli Bruce, North of England
Hi, I’m Gilli and I’ve been the Northern end of How to be Adopted for a couple of years now.
I was adopted in 1962 at 8 weeks old - the longed-for baby for parents who could not conceive. For many years I loved to be told the story of how the letter came to say that a baby had been ‘allocated’ to my parents (a bit like some stock ordered from Argos) and that the collection would be on such-and-such a date. My parent’s delight was clear, they got what they wanted and needed - and so my role of being what was required began.
My parents were decent people, in those days little was known about adoption and the lifelong impacts it has – once all the paperwork was completed, babies were handed over like kittens - and it was thought to be, as simple as that. Baby needing parents, Parents needing baby – job done, end of story. And yet…………it’s clearly not.
My journey to overcome the impacts of adoption has been life-long. There’s been lots of reading, many workshops, therapy, retreats, training courses and spiritual practice that have all helped to varying degrees, but it wasn’t until I finally faced the subject of the adoption monster that any progress was made. There remains a nervous system set on high alert, much regret, missed opportunities and arrival at a place when I could even think of having my own family – far too late.
Career success has been meagre compensation, but all the years spent working hard were a good distraction from the impacts of adoption.
Having worked as a training consultant in personal development and working as a coach, I am finally doing what I always wanted to - and Psychotherapy will be my work until I retire now. This background has enabled me to support adoptees and it feels wonderful to be running adoptee meetings and events and working for a brighter future for the next generation.
Read Gilli’s blog posts:
Lara Leon, How To Be Adopted
Lara Leon, South of England
Hi, I’m Lara and I live on the south coast of England with my partner and teenage son.
I was adopted by the process of private adoption in 1970. I was 9 days old when I was passed from my biological mother to new parents.
At the time, the ‘blank slate’ theory prevailed; specifically the belief was that at that age, I did not have any pre-adoption experiences - I was a ‘vanilla baby’, upon which my new family could imprint themselves without any problem or difficulty. Unsurprisingly, this was not to be.
Because on some level, I was already aware that I was in unfamiliar surroundings. I was an ‘internaliser’ as a young child. Perfectly behaved, quiet and compliant. We now accept that I was exhibiting a classic response to adjusting to the trauma of separation from my biological mother and adaptation to this environment.
My parents had no idea about any of this and continued to parent me as if I were theirs, effectively failing to factor my adoptive status into their parenting. Over the years, my struggles were misunderstood and invalidated which resulted in further difficulty and anguish.
All of this led me to later researching well-being in adults who were adopted as babies or infants as part of my MSc. The findings were unsurprising but do offer a ray of hope for the psychological adjustment of future adoptees.
I feel honoured, privileged and excited to have joined forces with the HTBA team in 2022 who are doing a truly amazing job bringing awareness to the world about the struggles of adoptees. I am thrilled to be part of an organisation that helps adoptees to feel understood. Adoptees who often feel their struggles were neither anticipated nor accepted during their lives.
As adoptees we should not have to fight for this to be recognised. But fight we do and we will continue to do so, because the social narrative needs to change.
Read Lara’s moving blog post I Am Your Daughter