2024 adoptee round up
Highlights of the year including BBC Radio 4 Women’s Hour and new adoptee groups springing up!
Happy new year! Time to round up some of last year’s highlights.
25th January 2025 afternoon retreat: book now
Places are going fast for the HTBA annual January adoptee community retreat with Claire and Gilli. You can see a rough agenda here and book your place. Suggested donation is £15 but you can put anything from £1 in order to check out. It’s running online from 2-5pm and we’ll cover the effect of trauma on the body and some tips on finding/starting an adoptee group near you.
2024 highlights
BBC Radio 4 Women’s Hour
Women’s Hour has been a dream for me for a long time. It was amazing to finally get the call, but bittersweet as well because I was talking about some very heartbreaking family circumstances rather than just bigging up How To Be Adopted and other great adoptee organisations.
Listen back to Claire from How To Be Adopted on Women’s Hour talking about a new report that recommends changes to contact arrangements (aka maintaining relationships) after adoption. It starts around 20 mins in.Also interviewed is Prof Beth Neil. You can learn more about the proposed changes to modern adoption practice here.
Expansion of adoptee peer groups throughout the UK
Groups are going strong, with contingents in London, Bristol, Devon, Cornwall and more. The fabulous Ryan in Edinburgh ran an amazing run of adoptee meet ups including breakfast, lunch and dinner!
‘We Are Family’ webinar on adoptees becoming parents
I’m regularly asked to present to adoptive parents and I always say no, until this year! Professor Beth Neil asked me to speak about my lived experience of being an adopted person and becoming a parent. This was part of a webinar for We Are Family and within the huor we managed to cover Beth’s extensive research into what happens when adopted people become parents, as well as two adoptees’ experiences - mine and Daniel Bishop who you may remember from this brillaint guest blog on being a late-discovery adoptee.
Currently only members of WAF can watch the talk back.
Anniversary of changing the Ofsted law re adoptees accessing counselling
18th December marked a year since the law change! I’d love to know your stories on how the law change has impacted you whether you’re a therapist or adopted person.
HTBA North London group Christmas meal
Sponsored by Tatlers estate agency, we had a wonderful Christmas lunch.
Before you go
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Adoptee retreat, June 2023, hosted by Gilli Bruce and Lara Leon
“Life-affirming” adoptee retreat held in the Lake District in June 2023, with Gilli and Lara. Find out how it went….
Gilli and Lara got back late last night from the Lake District after hosting the very first in-person UK retreat for adopted people. Bravo to Gilli and Lara! In fact, apart from the US retreats by Anne Heffron, this is possibly a worldwide first*!
The feedback is starting to come in:
“People felt an immediate sense of OKness, they valued the opportunity to connect with others who really 'get - it' and enjoyed the mixture of activities, topics and sharing together - oh - and the fun! There was lots of laughter.” - Gilli
“It was the most important weekend of my life. I will cherish it forever.” - Lara
“We left each other feeling as if we were saying "Goodbye" to old friends whom we'd known for years rather than leaving people we'd only just met - the connections were powerful indeed. Sharing with each other and seeing 12 other heads nodding in agreement was validating and special - I loved it! There will be more events like this to come.” - Gilli
Adoptee retreat hosts, Lara Leon and Gilli Bruce - therapists and fellow adoptees
Watch this space for more feedback from the attendees. And another bravo to Gilli and Lara for all their planning, hosting, logistic-ing and holding such a sacred space for fellow adoptees.
"It's such a comforting space to be among others with this in common when a feeling of 'not belonging' is so common normally"
"Thank you for arranging this - giving your time and emotional energy to bring our group together. It's one of the most secure environments I've experienced"
"I knew within 10 minutes of coming, it was going to be OK. Unlike any other group I have spent time with, adopted people seem to know how to be warm and welcoming and put each other at ease. I guess we all know how painful it is to to feel unwanted."
"It has been invaluable."
"To connect and talk to other adoptees I found comforting and soothing."
"Really glad I came. Just being with other adoptees is the only opportunity I have to lose the nagging feeling that there is fundamentally something wrong with me. It is a soothing relief."
"I am so so thankful. Emotional."
"It was organic and fluid and I found the sessions engaging and interesting. I cannot express how life affirming and comforting these days have been."
"Amazing. I have never ever spent time with a group of adult adoptees. Really good balance of social and sessions."
"A relaxed environment to share our stories of adoption, listening to others made me feel less alone in my feelings. Loved Lara and Gilli's talks. A few tears but lots of giggles too."
"The weekend has helped me to reconnect to myself and its a very small but significant shift. A need to continue with my search reignited. Hopeful for healing - it's not too late. I'm not too old. It is worth it - I am worth it. It has given me hope. Thank you so much."
"Connections, hope, new purpose, understanding and comfort."
"I actually cannot write what I feel about how I feel. Grateful, hopeful, engaged, emotional, love. Wow. Thank you. It's a time I will never forget and would like to be involved in future events."
"For the first time in 76 years I've been able to talk freely about being adopted and people getting it! Listening to the stories of other adoptees has given me an insight into my own trauma. Please do more retreats. I felt connected."
"There is a tremendous need for adoptee support. This weekend has been so helpful in helping me on my journey. We all met and connected like a family/tribe. Our stories, though different were understood and not judged. The environment was safe which allowed us to be vulnerable and tell stories we had not shared with anyone."
"Extremely meaningful and valuable. Gilli and Lara are inspirational."
"Hugely beneficial."
"The retreat was going to struggle to live up to the high expectation I placed on it, but it absolutely smashed it out of the park. Absolutely sublime. Very well done both of you and thank you."
*Ok, since writing this in a fit of excitement, I Googled ‘adoptee retreats’ and there are a few. Mostly in the US, but not soley. If you have an adoptee retreat to recommend, please feel free to share in the comments below. Sharing is caring! Claire x