The #youcanadopt hashtag
The youcanadopt hashtag is problematic because it portrays the main issue in adoption currently to be lack of adoptive parents coming forward. There are in fact many issues with adoption and recruiting more adoptive parents will not solve any of them.
The sad fact is that adoptees of all ages are struggling, some life-threateningly, and we need action, empathy and support (including funding).
The issues as I see it are:
1. State not supporting families under strain to keep their children within the family unit - in many cases this is linked to a failure of duty to care experienced adults who have not been supported adequately whilst in care and before/after becoming parents.
2. No support for adopted people over the age of 21 (or 25 in some cases) leading to identity issues, relationship breakdowns, mental health issues including depression, self-harm and even suicide, challenges parenting, not reaching their full potential as adults.
3. Lack of interest and drive from adoptive parents and professionals to maintain already formed relationships in situations where family preservation has been properly considered and adoption found to be the most appropriate option.
I was lucky my niece’s adoptive parents found me on Facebook and did not accept the devastating annual letter option we were offered after I had been her involved and loving auntie for 2.5 years!
4. Difficulty and expense tracing records and finding birth relatives. Onus should not be on adoptees to pay ££-£££ and wait months for a social worker or intermediary. Should I have spent days combing through microfiche in the local records office at the age of 18 when my friends were out having fun? Should the adoptees of today still be upset by the family tree project at school or still be having to write “don’t know - adopted” on medical forms?
5. No support to maintain reunions once they have been instigated - just an unrealistic portrayal of adoption reunion from programmes like Long Lost Family. This applies both to other adoptees using DNA and search angels and having to literally beg DNA matches on Ancestry for any crumbs of information, and to younger adoptees finding brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles on Facebook (or being found) and embarking on reunion that way.
If you are interested in adopting a child, I really hope you are also interested in wholeheartedly supporting and reforming the above areas. If not, may I politely suggest you #dontadopt
Image: Markus Spiske on Unsplash
