15 years of the Adoption Support Group in Buckinghamshire
An update from Jan and Trish in Buckinghamshire…
This year marks a remarkable milestone: 15 years of our adoption support group. What began as a small gathering has grown into a deeply valued community — one that members describe as a lifeline, a refuge, and a place where they can finally speak openly about adoption.
The Buckinghamshire Adoption Support Group celebrating its 15th year
The beginning of the adoption support group
Back in 2011, we were both volunteer intermediaries with Norcap when we decided to set up a group in our local area, Buckinghamshire. Trish is a birth mother and Jan is an adoptee. We approached the local authority post-adoption team as well as those in counties within easy reach. Luckily, our local authority thought it was a great idea and agreed to fund the room hire. (And has continued to do so through staff changes and reorganisations!) So, on 11th March 2011 we held the first meeting. There were five attendees.
Fast forward 15 years
Fast forward 15 years, we have a mailing list community of 105 people connected by adoption! Throughout those 15 years we have:
sent regular email updates
shared relevant information about adoption policy, practice, media campaigns, research requests, books, events
shared information that members have brought to our attention
connected people for peer support
provided individual support
signposted people to other services
held bi-monthly meetings
organised Christmas social gatherings
arranged group outings, for example to theatre performances with an adoption theme.
During Covid we experimented with online meetings (scary at the time!) and we realised the benefit of wider access that this afforded. From there, we switched to alternating between in person meetings and online meetings.
We have personally gained a great deal from the group both as facilitators and as individuals affected by adoption. It has been rewarding to see so many different people, affected by adoption in diverse ways, able to come together and share their views and experiences in a safe and welcoming space.
To celebrate the anniversary, we invited members to share their reflections. Their words paint a powerful picture of what this group has become.
- Jan and Trish
A space that feels like home
One of the strongest themes in the feedback was the sense of safety and belonging people feel when they walk through the door — or join the Zoom room.
“It’s the only place I don’t have to explain myself.”
“I walk in and feel instantly understood.”
“This group is the one place where I can breathe.”
“To be in the same space as people who’ve got a journey like mine is remarkable and precious and irreplaceable.”
“I’m grateful for the courage I have found here.”
Even those who attend less frequently still feel held by the community.
“Even though I have never attended a meeting, I always feel part of the group.”
“Even when I can’t attend, I still feel part of the group.”
The power of hearing each other’s stories
The group brings together adoptees, birth parents, siblings, and others touched by adoption — a mix that creates rich, meaningful conversations. The group works because it brings together a diversity of stories, and because it holds them all with respect, empathy, and care.
“Listening to others helped me make sense of my own story.”
“Hearing birth parents speak was life-changing for me.”
“Every meeting teaches me something new about myself.”
For some birth parents, this has been the first time they’ve spoken openly about their experiences.
“I carried this silently for years. This group gave me a voice.”
“It has helped me enormously to hear the views of many adoptees as well as other birth parents.”
Holding the space
Members expressed deep gratitude for the calm, compassionate leadership that has shaped the group from the beginning. Their consistency and care have helped the group flourish for 15 years.
“Jan and Trish hold the space so gently.”
“It’s the safest group I’ve ever been part of.”
“Their kindness has been a constant in my life.”
“You have given us a space, an embrace - even a challenge - to show up, to be real, to be there for others - to listen.”
Hybrid meetings that work
The shift to hybrid meetings has opened the door for more people to stay connected. Members feel the current balance is just right.
“Zoom means I can stay involved even though I moved away.”
“In-person meetings ground me in a way nothing else does.”
Hopes for the future
Members also shared thoughtful suggestions to help the group continue evolving: • occasional theme-based discussions
more varied formats
slightly larger room for in-person sessions
longer meetings for those who find the time too short
a remembrance event for those whose relatives have died before they were able to reconnect
These ideas reflect a community that cares deeply about its future.
A rare and precious community
What emerges from all the feedback is simple and powerful: this group is far more than a bi monthly meeting and a mailing list. It is:
a refuge
an anchor
a place to be real
a space to listen and be listened to
a community that stretches across years, miles, and life stages
“It feels like another family.”
“I don’t know where I’d be without this group.”
“The fact that I continue to attend more group sessions than not after so long is evidence that I have found value in it and am appreciative of the group and the professional and caring way that it is run.”
“ Three years ago, I wrote my memoir in the form of letters to people throughout my life. I wrote one of the letters to this group and included it in my book saying how much the group had meant to me and the help and kindness I had been given.”
“This group has held me through some of the hardest moments of my life.”
After 15 years, the sense of belonging is stronger than ever. For more info on the group, you can email Jan: jan.shine@hotmail.co.uk
15th birthday cake