I would like to talk you through how it feels to be an adopted person in the UK when National Adoption Week week rolls around every year. Perhaps then you will see why I am vocal about why this week is so problematic and painful.

Let me ask you for a minute to put yourself in the shoes of someone who has never felt able to speak to their adoptive family about their feelings, and has never seen anything in mainstream culture that reflects how they feel. Not one programme, film or book has ever made them feel recognised, only confused and conflicted.

This person could be in their 20s and doesn’t feel her friends would understand as they all come from seemingly perfect families with no early chaos and trauma. So she puts on a front and doesn’t let anyone in. This person could equally be in their 60s and never even spoken to anyone about being adopted, not a single friend or even their wife of 40 years.

Now imagine this person catches sight of the side of a bus advertising national adoption week, or turns on the radio to hear it been discussed. Imagine their heart leaping as their hopes are raised that finally there may be a story they can relate to, someone who “gets it”, who is articulating those feelings they haven’t felt safe to discuss with a living soul for anything from 20 to 60 years of their life. Finally they may feel seen.

Now imagine the next second when they realise this is a recruitment campaign for adoptive parents.

This is not the voices of adopted people, taking about their unique lived experiences. This is the voices of adoptive parents. A decade ago these adoptive parents would have been waxing lyrical about the joys of adoption; latterly they have been using the week to highlighting the challenges they faced after adopting. Either way the verb “to celebrate” features heavily. And there’s nothing for, about, or by adoptees.

I can tell you from experience, finding out that national adoption week is actually nothing to do with you after you’ve been living adoption every single day in every cell of your body is soul crushing. Perhaps it would be kinder if it were renamed National Adoptive Parents’ Week?

NAW events for adoptees

In 2021, PAC-UK and One Adoption hosted days for adoptee voices and birth parent voices. You can watch the adoptee day back here, with a talk from Claire and Gilli from How To Be Adopted on Coming Out Of The Fog.

Photo by Philipp Deus on Unsplash